There has been a lot of movement in my walk with Jesus recently, a lot of insights, some healing and clarification over what I need to do to become more christ-like.
1-2 weeks ago, after some repenting in prayer and in my actions, I felt a very deep joy which I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before. It was as though I found something that I’ve been searching for my entire life.
It was like I was finally content and at peace. I think that the Holy Spirit had penetrated deep into me, like water slowly seeping into soil, and filled me to saturation. After saturation, it then started radiating outwards to everyone else. I can’t emphasise how beautiful it was. My senses seemed more activated, my sense of smell was heightened, the world seemed more alive.
I felt loved by God and I just wanted to love EVERYONE. There was no more striving and longing, whatever it was that I was looking for – I had found it. To top it all, there were a few beautiful spring days during this time and some lovely sunsets to enjoy.
I just wasn’t used to feeling that way. A part of me still wanted to be in charge of my actions but this felt more like God had taken over to some degree. It was like God had taken some territory inside of me and claimed it for himself. Only thing left for me to do was to yield to God’s commands. I remember leaving the church slightly earlier than I should’ve and a couple of days later being all disappointed when I knew I should’ve stayed there longer to be with God’s people. Ah well. I suppose this demonstrates how we can be full of the Holy Spirit and still have the choice whether to obey it or not.
Thankfully, my experiences didn’t go unnoticed, a few people at church and in other places seemed to get a sense that I was in a really good place. It’s always good when you get some outside confirmation that you’re on the right path. A bit more would’ve been nice but I know I shouldn’t hanker too much.
During the prayer that led to this, I was praying about how I realised that practicing kundalini yoga was a destructive energy which was only causing havoc and aggravating any blocks within me. It’s a lot like if you’ve got a pipe with water running through it and there’s a kink in it. Practicing kundalini yoga is a lot like turning the tap on harder to get more water out of it instead of just removing the kink like any sensible person would do and leaving the tap alone. Anyway, I held no grudge against those I was butting heads with during the kundalini episode and forgave them and also took responsibility for my actions. It was my fault after all, as it usually is.
I pray that you receive the same filling of the Holy Spirit that I received and also experience the same deep joy I did. If one thing’s for sure, that kind of joy isn’t meant to be kept to yourself – it’s meant to be shared abundantly. I also pray for an even greater resolve to obey God and for a deeper and truer repentance for myself. Amen.